I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
