just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
