but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
