Apparently you make a good broom.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
