I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
