tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
