I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
