Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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