Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
