What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
