I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
