I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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