I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's blow job season.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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