Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
