he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
