Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
