And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
