my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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