Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
