all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
