you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
