I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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