I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
