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I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
