I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
