I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
