What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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