Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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