if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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