I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
