The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
