Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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