I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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