He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
