Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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