ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
