This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
