I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
