nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
