i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
