i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
