theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
