another moral hangover. fuck.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
