Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my poor anus
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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