Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
