Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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