ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We're too hungover to prance.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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