my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
