So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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