so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
