It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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