I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
