the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
