i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
