I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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